You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He passed out mid-signature
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
