Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
