Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
