I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
