Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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