I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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