the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
