I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
