Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
