Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
