It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
