Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
