Will you blow on my dice?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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