Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
