So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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