and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
