Will you blow on my dice?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
