I'm really into asian looking animals
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
