That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
