i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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