Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
