And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
