Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
