I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
