so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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