And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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