is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
