I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
