we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
