I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
