oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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