I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
