He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
