just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
