Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i have two assholes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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