There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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