Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
