I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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