Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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