once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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