If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
