glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
