So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
