I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
