Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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