Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
