Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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