I heard we made out
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
