Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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