i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
