I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
