...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
