I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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