he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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