Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
