Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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