the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
