Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
