How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
